Social Comparison: How It Shapes Us, For Better or Worse

Social comparison is a core concept in psychology and plays a significant role in how we understand ourselves and others. It refers to the natural tendency to evaluate our thoughts, abilities, and sense of self in relation to other people. Through social comparison, we learn social norms, assess where we belong, and make meaning of our strengths and vulnerabilities within a social world.

This process is deeply rooted in human development. As social beings, we evolved in close-knit communities where awareness of others’ roles, relationships, and status supported connection and survival. Social comparison has long helped us navigate relationships and identity, and it continues to serve an important function in mental health and wellbeing today.

Between the ages of 18 and 25, during emerging adulthood, individuals are actively forming identity, developing independence, and making decisions about friendships, careers, and navigating relationships. During this life stage, comparison can support healthy development by providing reference points that help young adults understand themselves and imagine possible pathways forward.

But as we’ll see, the scope and intensity of social comparison have shifted dramatically with the introduction of social media and social networking sites.

Socialising Before Social Media: Small Circles, Big Context

Before the rise of social media and social networking sites, social interaction largely took place offline — within families, neighbourhoods, schools, and workplaces. Social comparison occurred within relatively small, stable social circles made up of people you actually knew. These comparisons were grounded in everyday reality, including the ordinary struggles, limitations, and imperfections of others.

Importantly, this form of social comparison was also bounded by time and place. When interactions ended, comparison tended to pause as well. Daily life offered natural breaks in the form of moments of psychological distance which allowed people to disengage, reset, and return to their own experience.

While offline social comparison could still contribute to feelings of insecurity or self-doubt, the impacts were generally far less harmful. Without constant exposure to others, this meant there were built-in boundaries that helped protect mental wellbeing.

After Social Media: A World Without Comparison Breaks

With the rise of social networking sites such as Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, and text-based platforms like X (formerly Twitter), social comparison is no longer local. It's global. Social media platforms expose users to a continuous stream of other people’s lives, far beyond their immediate social circles, which has fundamentally changed how social comparison operates.

Social media has reshaped social comparison in several key ways:

• It dramatically expands the comparison pool: Instead of primarily comparing ourselves to friends, family, or colleagues, we are now exposed to acquaintances, influencers, celebrities, and millions of strangers.

• Social comparison is intensified through highlight-driven content: Algorithms prioritise engaging, polished, and emotionally evoking posts, meaning users are repeatedly shown curated moments rather than the full reality of everyday life. A contrast that can make the ordinary, in-between moments feel boring or inadequate by comparison.

• social comparison is sustained through endless exposure: Features such as infinite scrolling, autoplay, notifications, and personalised content recommendations are designed to keep users engaged for extended periods, increasing both the frequency and degree of comparison.

While “addiction” isn’t a formal diagnosis in the DSM-V, many researchers point out that excessive social media use shares characteristics with behavioural addiction, such as compulsive checking, anxiety when not connected, and disruption to daily routines. This is believable, considering that some studies suggest that around 40% of young users aged 18–22 self-report feeling addicted to social platforms.

Meet Emerging Adults: Most Exposed, Most Affected

Social comparison isn’t inherently problematic — it’s a normal and often necessary developmental tool. However, emerging adulthood (roughly ages 18–25) is a life stage where comparison naturally plays a much larger role. This period is defined by identity exploration, increasing autonomy, and navigating adult relationships, often without the clear structure or guidance provided by parental oversight and formal education in earlier years.

Without these frameworks, emerging adults naturally turn outward to assess whether they are progressing, making the right choices, or “keeping up" with peers. Social comparison during this stage supports several key developmental tasks:

• Assess their place in the social and professional world

• Explore and define personal identity

• Navigate friendships, romantic relationships, and independence

• Evaluate achievements and life milestones in the absence of structured guidance

• Assume the responsibilities of adulthood

Social networking sites intersect with this stage in particularly powerful ways. Digital platforms provide constant access to curated glimpses of others’ lives, offering social cues around success, relationships, appearance, and lifestyle. Emerging adults use these platforms not only to socialise, but also to explore identity, seek validation, and maintain relationships, which are all critical components of healthy development.

Importantly, emerging adults consistently show higher usage rates across multiple social networking platforms than older adults. This doesn’t automatically mean harm, but it increases exposure to frequent and often idealised comparison targets, making a normal developmental tool like social comparison potentially overwhelming when constant and curated.

Importantly, research indicates that emerging adults spend more time on social networking platforms than older age groups. While higher usage does not automatically cause harm, it increases exposure to frequent, idealised comparison targets. This can make social comparison particularly overwhelming when it occurs constantly and in highly curated digital environments and there are no comparison breaks.

When Scrolling Starts to Affect Mental Health

So what happens when social comparison becomes constant? When the feedback loop never stops? Research points to several psychological patterns that emerge when social comparison occurs too much.

More negative mood and self-esteem dips
When comparisons are frequent and upward (seeing others doing “better”), self-evaluations and self-concept can decline.

Anxiety and depressive symptoms
Heavy users often report greater anxiety, worry, lowered mood and confidence, and feelings of inadequacy, especially if usage is passive (scrolling without intent).

Identity disturbance
Emerging adults may struggle with a stable sense of self when they constantly compare progress, lifestyle, self-presentation, or life events, leading to confusion or uncertainty.

Excessive time online can crowd out offline wellbeing
Spending excessive time on social networking sites can interfere with sleep, limit face-to-face interactions, and increase rumination. These effects reduce opportunities for grounding, real-world social connection, and overall mental health.

It’s worth noting that some research suggests that the way in which people use social networking sites matters just as much as how much they use it. Active, meaningful social media use can be far less harmful than passive browsing.

The potential for negative outcomes increases when:

• Usage is driven out of habit or compulsion

• The content consumed triggers excessive comparison

• Users feel anxious when not checking platforms

• Online feedback becomes increasingly tied to a sense of self-worth

What This Means for You (or Your Loved One)

If you’re a parent, you might notice:

• More time glued to screens

• Quick mood shifts after scrolling

• “Keeping up with everyone else” becomes increasingly important in your home

And if you’re an adult reflecting on your own patterns, you might think:

• Do I check my phone first thing?

• Do I feel better or worse after scrolling?

• Does social media connected to my self-esteem and self-worth?

Social media doesn’t automatically cause problems. But the design of social platforms with endless feeds and algorithm-driven content amplifies social comparison tendencies, which can in turn cause problems with mental health, how we relate to others, and how we socialise

How Therapy Can Help

In therapy, the goal isn’t to ban phones or avoid social media or social networking sites entirely.

Rather, it’s about understanding the impact of social media use on you and how you relate to others, recognise the role social media plays in your identity and self-esteem, identify emotional patterns and triggers related to social media, and find ways to reduce harm, build resilience, and re-engage socially in healthier and intentional ways.

At Still Ocean Therapy, we help people navigate not just what’s happening on the screen, but what’s happening inside as a result of it through supportive, one-on-one counselling therapy for young individuals and individuals.

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